Identifying Behaviors and Helping Students

Faculty and educational support staff can often have meaningful, trusted relationships with students. Those relationships can make a tremendous difference when a student is struggling. Many times, your outreach is the most effective first step in helping a student connect with resources and regain stability.

Steps for a Supportive Conversation

• Choose a private setting and allow enough time for the conversation
• Lead with observations, not assumptions:
  • "I've noticed you haven't been yourself lately—how are you doing?"
• Listen actively and without judgement
• Validate their feelings:
  • "That sounds incredibly difficult."
• Offer support, not solutions:
  • "Would you be open to exploring campus resources?"
• Know when to refer if safety concerns arise or support exceeds your role.

Proactive Strategies: Setting a Stage for Success

• Include behavioral expectations in course syllabi (e.g., respectful discourse, classroom participation or engagement, use of technology).
• Start each semester by explaining participation norms and classroom etiquette.
• Monitor for early warning signs such as declining performance, irritability, or disengagement.
• Build rapport with students through consistent availability and communication.
• Offer supportive, accessible, and even anonymous ways for students to share challenges or ask for help.

Responsive Strategies: In-the-Moment Support

• Be approachable, calm, composed, consistent, and level — avoid reacting emotionally
• Use reflective listening: "It sounds like you're frustrated — I'd like to help."
• Use repetition (broken record), with reframing if potential language, lingo, or comprehension barrier, to communicate key information issues
• Address behaviors respectfully, but directly: "Let's bring the discussion back to today's topic."
• Avoid public confrontation; redirect privately when possible.
• Don't engage in a direct power struggle — offer options (e.g., "Let's talk after class").
• Don't feel obligated to fix the situation alone — refer and consult.
• If safety becomes a concern, pause class, dismiss the student, dismiss class, or contact campus police (be sure to make a BIT referral after contacting police or dismissing class).

Some Helpful Phrases In-the-Moment

• "Let's stay focused so we can hear everyone's voice."
• "That comment could make others uncomfortable. Let's reframe it."
• "I'm here to support you, but I also need to maintain class expectations."
• "I understand you're upset. Let's talk about this after class."

Techniques for working with students who may be intrusive, persistent, and require extra time and attention.

Characteristics of demanding behavior:

• A sense of entitlement
• An inability to empathize
• A need for control
• Difficulty in dealing with ambiguity
• Perfectionism
• Difficulty with structure and limits
• Anxiety or fears about handling life

Things you can do:

• Talk to the student in a place that is safe and comfortable
• Remain calm and in control
• Set clear limits and hold the student to the allotted time for the discussion. ("I have 10 minutes right now. Within that amount of time, how can I help you?")
• Emphasize behaviors that are and aren't acceptable. ("If you wish to continue this conversation, I will need you to lower your voice and talk in a calm manner.")
• Respond quickly and with clear limits to behavior that disrupts class, study sessions, or consultations
• Be prepared for manipulative requests and behavior. ("You came seeking my help, and I have offered several options. However, none of these seem okay with you. What ideas do you have?")

Things to Avoid

• Arguing with the student
• Giving in to inappropriate requests or adjusting your schedule or policies to accommodate the student
• Ignoring inappropriate behavior that has an impact on you or other students
• Feeling obligated to take care of the student or feeling guilty for not doing more
• Allowing the student to intimidate you
• Engaging with the student outside of normal education hours or giving them your personal cell phone number

There is nothing magic about calming down a student who may be angry or upset. You are transferring your sense of calm and a genuine interest in what teh student wants to tell you in a respectful manner with hope that the student actually wishes to respond positively to your attention. These techniques can be practiced before they are needed, so they can become "second nature."

Be in Control of Yourself

• Appear calm, centered, and self-assured even though you don't feel it. Relax facial muscles and look confident. Your anxiety can make the student feel anxious and unsafe and that can escalate aggression.
• Use a modulated, low monotonous tone of voice (our normal tendency is to have a high pitched, tight voice when scared or nervous).
• Do not be defensive. Even if the comments or insults are directed at you, they are not about you. Do not defend yourself or anyone else from insults, curses or misconceptions about their roles.
• Be aware of any resources available for back up. Know that you have the choice to leave, tell the student to leave, or call the MSU Texas Police Department should de-escalation not be effective.
• Be very respectful even when firmly setting limits or calling for help. The agitated individual is very sensitive to feeling shamed and disrespected. We want the student to know that is is not necessary to show us that they must be respected. We automatically treat them with dignity and respect."

Control Your Physical Stance

• Always be at the same eye level. Encourage the student to be seated, but if they need to stand, you stand up also.
• Allow extra physical space between you and the student—about four times your usual distance. Anger and agitation fill the extra space.
• Do not stand full front to the student. Stand at an angle so you can sidestep away if needed.
• Do nt maintain constant eye contact. Allow the student to break their gaze and look away.
• Do not point or shake your finger.
• Do NOT smile. This could look like mockery or anxiety.
• Do not touch—even if some touching is generally culturally appropriate and usual in your setting. Cognitive dysfunction in agitated people allows for easy misinterpretation of physical contact as hostile or threatening.
• Keep hands out of your pockets, up and available to protect yourself. It also demonstrates non-verbally, that you do not have a concealed weapon.
• Do not argue or try to convince, give choices, i.e. empower.
• Don't be defensive or judgmental.
• Don’t be parental, join the resistance: You have a right to feel angry.

De-Escalation Hints and Tips

• Remember that there is no content except trying to calmly bring the level of arousal down to baseline.
• Do not get loud or try to yell over a screaming person. Wait until the student takes a breath; then talk. Speak calmly at an average volume.
• Do not answer abusive questions (e.g., "Why are professors ____?") This question should get no response what so ever.
• Explain limits and rules in an authoritative, firm, but always respectful tone. Give choices where possible in which both alternatives are safe ones (e.g. "Would you like to continue our meeting calmly or would you prefer to stop now and come back tomorrow when things can be more relaxed?").
• Empathize with feelings but not with the behavior (e.g. "I understand that you have every right to feel angry, but it is not okay for you to use abusive language.").
• Do not solicit how a person is feeling or interpret feelings in any analytic way.
• Do not argue or try to convince.
• Wherever possible. tap into the student's cognitive mode: Do not ask "Tell me how you feel." Instead, say "help me understand what you are saying to me". People are not attacking you while they are teaching you what they want you to know.
• Suggest alternative behaviors where appropriate e.g. "Would you like to take a break and have some water or a cup of coffee" (tepid and in a paper cup)?
• Give the consequences of inappropriate behavior without threats or anger.
• Represent external controls or protocols as institutional rather than personal.
• Trust your instincts. If you assess or feel that de-escalation is not working, STOP! You will know within two to four minutes if it's beginning to work. Tell the person to leave, escort him/her to the door, call for help, or leave yourself and call the police.